Missing A Loved One During The Holiday Season

The holiday season is never the same when you’re living without a certain loved one who has gone way too soon. Do you often feel this way? Some say their passing gets easier to deal with over time while others say you just can’t shake it… ever. I am one of those who says, “It doesn’t really get better with time and those wounds still need nurturing, sometimes every day.” What is even worse is when you think back and feel you didn’t take “full advantage” while that special someone was on this earth and you should have appreciated them more. You ponder about it more during those special days (birthdays, anniversaries), but especially during the holiday season.

For myself, during this time of year, I can still envision the brown extra soft and fluffy sofa we had on Rockaway Parkway. My dad would turn on some Frank Sinatra or Nat King Cole and he would sit down and sip on some egg nog. I remember as a little girl cuddling up beside him and nuzzling my face in his flannel shirt. That scent of mechanic that never left his shirt, no matter how many times my mother would run them through the wash, was all too familiar, I can still smell it today. Some scents never leave you, right? We sat there as father and daughter and enjoyed the carols as my mom cooked away in the kitchen. He seemed to love this time of year and you could see the excitement on his face as he watched us open our gifts on Christmas morning. He had no clue what we were receiving because my mom was in charge of that department so he was in as much amazement as we were opening them!

Now that I have my own two boys, the memory of my father hovers over me even more starting the week before Christmas.. really, it’s as soon as the tree goes up in our home. I ride around with Lite FM in my car (106.7) remembering all the years we spent together, replaying them in my mind. Whoever said, “Memories last a lifetime” was spot on because they truly do. I only hope I live even longer than my dad to provide my children with even more memories, memories I wish I had with my own father. I share with them some of the things I remember doing with my dad as a little girl but I look forward to sharing more as they get older and can understand more of the connection we had. I also look forward to reminding them to take full advantage of the limited time we often have with the ones we love. I look forward to helping them learn the importance of telling the person you so deeply love and admire how much they truly mean to you. With anticipation for Christmas, I cannot help but think of my dad a little bit more and be grateful for the time we had together.