When I looked into my son’s bag this weekend I realized a card from Mother’s Day was inside of it. I was shocked because I check his book-bag every single day and knew I hadn’t bi-passed it. He’s actually really good with bringing things home, although lately he has been forgetting things due to his change of meds. Before even reading it I confronted him and asked him why hadn’t be given it to me? He put his eyes down and said, “I kept forgetting it in my desk”. Seems as though they hung it up and then returned it to the children but my boy forgot his, which I reassured him was okay.
With all that we have been going through lately how could I be upset at him? We are all humans and we all forget things in life. Just moving right along…The cover was beautiful and it was so me. It read, “I’m always inspired by your beautiful example of love” and I felt the knot developing in my throat. I sat down to read it and I was overcome with tears. The tears poured down my face because lately I haven’t been feeling like such a great mother. I know many of us go through this but I have never felt this way before. Reading that card at that moment, if he only knew he inspires me!
Ever since my father passed I have always been the type to get myself through any difficulty I may stumble upon. I am my own BIGGEST cheerleader and yet my worst enemy. I can be very hard on myself and when it comes to parenting I am extremely hard on myself. Not sure if it is because all of the demands form the school system or just wanting my children to succeed and NOT be a statistic…I am TOUGH! I have been tough on myself due to this entire ADHD medication issue and dealing with Victorio’s reactions to them, do I choose to medicate? Do I not? Am I a bad mother for doing so? Do I change his diet?… but yet he’s such a picky eater. Do I discuss this on my blog and one day he reads it and becomes upset with me? All of these questions run through my head but I need an outlet.
As I opened the card, that was written on my favorite color paper, purple (I must say he gets the details from his mother) reminded me that I am doing the very best that I possibly can at this point in time. He went on to say how I sit with him to make sure he does his homework BEFORE cooking dinner, and that I ask him if he understands. If he doesn’t understand he went on to say, “she explains it to me and shows me how”. He continued by saying I give him and his brother a bath every night to make sure they are clean and smell good. His clothes are clean and that I cook and make sure they are fed so they won’t be hungry. He shared all the places we go and finished by saying I was a great mom but also a wonderful wife. I had no idea he paid such close attention to all of these details.
All these details written with that #2 pencil on my favorite color paper washed away the doubts that I was having about being an awesome mom. They reassured me and confirmed that I must be doing something right for him to express this in this card! I know my boy is smart and that he is full of potential. I also know that this is something that we have to go through to get to where we need to be, and this soon shall pass. Doubts will come and go but I know one thing is for sure, my boy knows I love him and that I will do everything in my power to make sure he gets what he needs!
Share- Do you ever doubt yourself as a parent? How do you get through it?
I doubt myself as a parent all the time. I try to remember that my son loves me and that he hasn’t realized that I’m not perfect.
Love it Lisa!
Thank you so much–I am so happy I am NOT alone!!!
Hugs!
Of course I do … A LOT. And my kids remind me that I´m ok! Great post! Heartfelt and true.
Thanks so much Lorraine–
It’s great to not be alone in this situation.
xoxoxo
Every time I see your Facebook updates on your children doing so well in school, reading books, doing match homework, or working on a science project, I say to myself, “Eileen is doing such a wonderful job with her children.” You guide and encourage them to do their best, plus you show them your love in so many ways!! 🙂
Isa,
Thank you so much—it truly means a lot.
All I can say is that I try my very best—every single day!
I truly do adore them!!!
Thanks Amiga!!!
Beautiful post. I guess we all doubt about our role as parents, but are these special time that remind us how much our kids love us no matter of our mistakes.
Eliana,
I didn’t realize that so many felt the same way.
I am so happy I opened up and spoke–
it feels good to NOT be alone.
Thanks so much sissy!
xoxoxoxoxox
I always struggle with my own needs as a woman and the needs my children have of me as a mother. Inevitably mamihood always takes priority.
Trina,
I couldn’t agree with you more!
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Parenting is on of the hardest jobs we will ever do and with very little training or support. Even then we have to be present and involved. Sounds like you are doing your best and your son feels loved and cared for. Bravo!